My Journey

“Happy Birthday Steve”, my little son. 

I am Jenna, a mother. 

In the chaos of billions of population I struggled.

My Birth never made any impact to anybody.

Uncle Lucifer said I was found on a river bank. 

He took me to an orphanage and handed me to Mother Tessa. 

My childhood passed in a good way because I had somebody behind the back to guide me through.

Coming to the rule book a child had to leave the orphanage at the age of 16. 

Bags packed and a cake cut, that was the farewell mother Tessa bid me with. 

A bag and 200 grand was the only property I could save until 16. The world bounded within the orphanage was way too smaller than that of the outer world. 

The actual fight with life started when I first stepped into the crowds, crowds of hundreds? thousands? Or billions? hard to answer but it was enormous. 

The biggest pain in the world is the pain of hunger. People live to survive as well to some extent even kill to live.

(“Irony”)

I never did schooling because It was against the rule book the orphanage had. Seeing myself getting jumbled up was the conquest I unveiled myself within. 

I have spent weeks sleeping by the park just because I had no bed to pass a night in.

I had no skills for which I could earn. 

I used to fantasize myself getting off of a Ferrari and having all the luxury for myself. 

Nevertheless, there is always a way which brings a turning point in ones life. Likely, Francis was the guy who consoled me for giving me the best life for myself. With a hope that I would have a house to live, a car to travel, new clothes to wear and obviously food to eat. 

I chose to follow him. 

10 years of my life, I spent working as a hooker. 

Until 26, I was compelled to serve men. There was no way out and I was weak. 

I chose to adjust myself and let my body be a useful toy to please people. 

It used to be different, there was no counting of men I used to serve. 

Being a lady I did have a sense that men were supposed to be served but I used to question myself whenever I was supposed to spend a likely pleasurable moment with a lady itself. 

Life went on. The pain was harsh. The nightmares, the assault, the abuse and the perception people carried always made my heart burn. 

To people from my profession night used to be the golden time. The more hours the more earning. 

Years passed and I entered my 30’s.

Despite of pleasing people for years I achieved nothing except a life changing news. 

I was pregnant. The father was unknown. 

In our profession pregnancy plays a pessimist role and we are supposed to abort the baby. 

I was in a dilemma, after all I had emotions, I wanted to explore what it was like to be a mother. 

I then decided to fight for what I wanted. I raised my voice for the first time and ran. I left that fu*king world behind and never turned back. 

A year passed and there was my child Steve. 

It is said that a woman is born when she gets to be a mother and true it is. I was blessed with a second life where I had a family, a family of two. 

Steve is a Gem. He is young but his glaze makes it clear that he surely is gonna rock the world. 

He is 12 today, I am sure he misses me like I do. It was my fate that I could not fight my cancer but I can see my baby boy grow every second. 

He surely is going to miss me and my blessings are always with him. 

“I am watching you my Son.”

“I love you.”

SAAIL POKHREL