Anxiety

A struggle with my own mind and body; ‘anxiety’. 

A disease with physical symptoms but yet the medical test results to seem completely normal. Why am I feeling this way? 

I am Elizabeth, 18. 

I feel like I am dying. On every ounce, it feels miserable, everyday. My head feels like it is running a marathon 24/7. The thoughts run over and over and over again. Every single minute it gets louder. 

Every time I discuss about my ongoing situation with my friends or family, the most outrageous reply they throw up, “ Calm your thoughts and think positive”, as if I did not know that.

 This trauma that I get hit with is not less than a fight. The fight with the mind where you are not always winning. 

We interact with numbers of people and most of them are the soul who have never experienced a mental health problem and are likely the ones who believe that the person suffering from anxiety disorders are the ‘attention seekers’. 

Dude! Seriously?  

Anxiety now has become my controversial friend who has tied me up in a non-consensual relationship which is often difficult to deal with. 

It is somewhere a fact that having anxiety is one thing, but being anxious about how people would react to it is a whole different level, you could even compare to yourself with a monster. 

This uncertain sickness can turn a question into numbers of sub-questions. When a friend asks, “ How are you?” The brain actively takes part in dividing a single question into suspicious tags. 

“Why did he ask that?”, “Do I not look okay?” , “Am I in trouble?” 

That’s simply me. I worry about everything, sometimes I even worry about worrying. 

It is known that 1 in 4 people do walk hand in hand with anxiety. What is it like? 

It is the alternation from high mood to low. Some directly jump off to the ‘’maniac phase’ where they hallucinate more often, a terrifying impact it could be.  

Seeing around the social media might make you feel that this girl is having a real

great time with her life.

But...

Dude! You’re missing the major part here. You get the thorough idea but have you ever tried jumping into the actual story that is shrinking back of the head? 

I am sure, not. 

Past few years have been really tough for me. My mother says I’ve become excessively violent. The problem here is, my short temper is not ready giving me a chance to turn out better.

The major problem with mental health disorder is; you and others cannot see them. 

The unfortunate fate of mine has a true friend who does no good. The selfish bond it is. It pulls me back at even initiating a conversation with somebody close.

These issues are the consequences of your perception. There are thousands of examples who’ve succeeded on gathering every broken pieces of their absolute era. These people are the real heroes else there are few idiotic maniac who opts to quit.

Calling somebody a maniac sounds no better but they are to be cursed for being a narrow thinker. 

Narrow thinker, which now includes me. 

I hope to sleep now, maybe I would be considered a coward but the palpitation is taking control over me. 

You’re sick, not dead. 

Look for alternatives, sooner or later the peace you see might be the greatest curse for yourself. 

“Ironical Insight.”

SAAIL POKHREL